Pressure and Curiosity

[Sakura93]

i have a question. what does a person do if he/she are kind of pressured into having sex or is curious? like is sex worth it to lose your virginity?

[Krazim]

^ If you're not married, it's not worth it.

[Rigor Mortis]

If you're being pressured then it isn't worth it. If you're curious do whatever. However take sex seriously. You don't want to end up pregnant and haver everyone scourn you for it.

Sex is great but overrated.

[Kon]

Rigor ur a god...*divine music* took the words out of my mouth

go with rigor advice...but also with Krazim...:)

[Gucci]

Well, it's on you no matter what. If you're being forced, it's rape. It's not a light topic for any culture though. Many refer to virginity as a state of purity and in having that is more of a possibility to having an advantage over others.
There are women that have undergone surgery (particularly in Islamic and Buddhist countries) for the purpose of deceiving their to-be husbands into thinking that they're virgins because otherwise, they're not as valued and oftentimes become outcasts to society. It's the symbol of the white dress (wedding) but it's been more accepted in the norm for America over the decades. I believe statistic says 9/10 engage in premarital nowadays. It's played a critical role in history. People are discouraged to wait for several reasons nowadays; many of which link to becoming experienced in order to have better appeal. Virginity is virginity, you only have it once. And, I've read that for young people, it's also not recommended by scientists, as it's said to tap into an area of the brain (not yet mature) in which has not prepared itself for what sexual intercourse will cause and may even lead to malfunctioning though I don't know what exactly.

[Rigor Mortis]

Virginity is severely overrated as well as losing it. All those high and mighty kids in those little "purity" groups are going to lose it, or they already have. Sometimes I just want to throw them in a meat grinder for acting so smug. It's fine if people don't want to lose it. Great. But do they have to look down on everyone who does or believes differently?

I don't see why people are hellbent on losing while at the same time, I see no reason for people to devalue someone for losing it. Being a virgin or not should not be the sole reason to judge someone. This is why I hate mysigonistic(sp?) countries and religions. While women drive me insane, it's still not fair how countries/religions treat them for something as trivial as virginity.

When I lost it, it only lasted for a few seconds. There were no stars, waterfalls, rainbows, or reaching Nirvana. There was no dark demon thing, entering my body and telling me that I'm dirty and unpure. It was just a nice little feeling and I then I was sleepy. That's it.

And, I've read that for young people, it's also not recommended by scientists, as it's said to tap into an area of the brain (not yet mature) in which has not prepared itself for what sexual intercourse will cause and may even lead to malfunctioning though I don't know what exactly.
Bullshit.

1. If it's harmful for young people, and they aren't ready, then their bodies shouldn't allow them to have orgasms in the first place.
2. Even people who get raped don't get some type of brain damage from it. Trauma maybe, but not brain damage. Why I bring that up is because all the feelings, both mentally and physical, during sex, are far from the impact as you would if you were raped. And rape is one hell of a trauma.
3. A lot of people who do lose it seem to be just fine to me.

I get the feeling that's a biased study. There are a lot of studies that're tainted with the bias of "religious" beliefs that either distort, look at one side, or completely make things up just because some people are against it. Take the ridiculous "study" that abortions cause breast cancer, for example. Nothing but fear tactics to discourage young people. See Link (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/files/PPFA/education-REAL-TheTruth.pdf)

When it comes to to "studies" about sex, be cynical, people. If it sounds outrageous, it is very likely to be untrue.

If you're not sure, please do not mention it. Especially if it's asking for advice that may have a lot of affect on someone. The OP may or may not return but I am sure there may be others wondering this but too shy to ask.

Getting back to the young lady's question....

You really don't have to lose it. It doesn't matter if you do or don't but if you're going to have sex, make sure it's the right time. Don't take sex too lightly and be promiscuous.

If you decide to lose it, that does not make you any less of a human being. You won't be wrong for liking sex either. Also do not have sex for the sake of losing your virginity.

Don't have sex for the sake of losing your virginity.
Don't have sex for the sake of losing your virginity.
Don't have sex for the sake of losing your virginity.
Don't have sex for the sake of losing your virginity.
Don't have sex for the sake of losing your virginity.

That will lessen your first time experience if that is how you approach it. People are often disappointed because they follow the hype and do it for the sake of losing it.

[Gucci]

I wrote a response but as soon as I submitted - it suddenly disappeared. Oh well. The article was by a popular newspaper. I'll find it before tomorrow. I'd respond to your post entirely but I have to go in a few minutes. I think you're being too hostile and judgemental about its role in the past. It has had its extremes but that's not what holding off is all about. And, there are no 'purity' groups. No one is perfect - all acknowledge this and even people that have crossed the line acknowledge this. Cult standards? You're singling it out. 9/10 (in America) engaging in premarital, being called overrating it, is beyond me.

[Rigor Mortis]

About the post thing, it is recommended that you copy your post before entering it. If you're logged in for too long youll be logged out. Oftentimes the forum allows me to login again, and then my post is submitted. While it has worked for me, copy your post anyway because there is no guarantee.

Also what the are you talking about? What do you mean by "its role in the past?" Lay off on the "you're being hostile and jugemental" and stick to the argument. If you're who I think you are, then you've just done the same by assuming a hostile tone in my post due to your personal bias of me. If you're not who I believe you are then just forget that I said that and don't assume my tone or bring it up if you don't know for sure how my reaction is.

I am referring to those "Clean Teen" groups and the likes of The Silver Ring Thing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Silver_Ring_Thing). We all know that all these groups don't behave like immature snobs. Imperfection doesn't suddenly make it untrue that groups of this nature exist. Why did I not bother to word it like that? Because I know someone will take offense despite me writing a disclaimer that I do not believe whatever group is entirely that way.

That's like me saying that my dog is an idiot. And then suddenly someone starts getting defensive, talking about their smart dog, thinking that means my dog isn't an idiot. My dog is still an idiot.

You think it's all in the past? Obviously, you didn't bother checking the link I provided. It lists quotes from well-known Abstinence programs that still go on today.

I made it clear that it's fine if people want to be celibate. I only griped about those who are supposedly celibate but are jerks about it.

As for as your opinion on me believing virginity is overrated, you completely disregarded why I felt it that way. Your post about surgery to come off like a virgin and how people regard some women as spoiled goods for losing it, is the kind of form in why I feel virginity is overrated. I'm not referring to the numbers when I say that. There are more to things than statistics and numbers.

I've also made it clear that losing your virginity in the speed of light is also overrate. Next time, look at the whole argument instead of nitpicking things and taking them out of context.

As far as biased or ridiculous studies go, maybe you'd like to look at this (http://xpress.sfsu.edu/archives/life/007520.html).

It claims that being promisucous does not spread STIs, HIV, and AIDs.

Contrary to popular belief, promiscuity did not correlate with an increase in STDs.

It favors sex but even I think that's a load of horseshit. Studies or not. Be skeptical...

[Sakura93]

thanks you guys! i was just wondering about like me and my friends. i mean, more than half have already lost their virginity to their bfs/gfs like, much older than them, and it just was lingering in my mind. oh and another thing, how do you feel about parents kicking their child out of the house because she got preggers or he got a girl preggers?

[Rigor Mortis]

I think it's fudged up when parents abuse or threaten to kick out their pregnant kids. Whether or not the kid does what the parents believed in, it's the parents duty to provide their child support. Both emotionally and physically.

A teen doesn't always have a place to go.

[Sakura93]

last year, i had a friend whose dad threatened her to got to boot camp because "supposedly" she was pregnant. i haven't touched that subject again with her

[Rigor Mortis]

Was she? Oh wait you never touched the subject with her so you can't know.

My younger sister is often scourned by her friend's parents. They assume she is a bad influence despite how happy go lucky and social she is. What got me to yell at one of her friend's parents is when one of the fathers had the nerve to ask if my sister was a virgin.

That man had no business asking that sort of question nor judging her based on that alone. I hope me storming over there was enough for him to never ask that of a teenage girl again.

[Sakura93]

^^^seriously? wow, i don't have an older bro and i'm the youngest. and i've never experienced something like that. but yeah, my friend had transferred to another school, not by the alleged pregnancy, but because of too many fights with the same clique of people. another girl from my school had gotten pregnant too! i was really surprised by her getting pregnant because she didn't seem the type. she wasn't fast, nor was did she act like a 304. and she doesn't go to my school anymore.

and another q is coming out, if a teen is preggers, does she still go to that same school or a different one? and dropping out isn't an option

[Rigor Mortis]

I'm not sure about private school, but pregnancy isn't a reason to transfer. Only if the parents make her transfer then yeah.

Maybe the other girl moved because her parents were embarassed and wanted to live somewhere where people don't know that her daughter got pregnant. Also sometimes classmates can be very cruel to someone and spread rumors and other malicious things because news of someone's pregnancy. Teen pregnancy isn't as taboo and oddly enough, people still pick on someone for it.

[Sakura93]

that's soo true. after she left for good, her so-called "friends" were talking about her. well mostly the guys did that

[MasterBeef]

well, for sakura's question, about the pregnant teen and school.

There are many things they can do about school:
-They can still go to the same school they;ve been going to before they got pregnant, there are (were) 2 seniors in my school that were pregnant I'm assuming one of them already had the baby, but the other is still in school, and seem to be doing fine.
-They can always go to an alternative school, the alternative school I'm going to for night school acceps expecting teen mother, they even have a little daycare class where mothers can keep their kids if they had more than one than the first time
-They can always transfer, but I see no reason why they should, if they we're to transfer, they may get the same trouble they may get from their original school.

[Sakura93]

hmm... thanks MasterBeef. now a whole truckload of q's are flowing through my brain. so what do i tell my friends if they umm... talk about havin sex? do i just let them do what they do, or tell them to not do it?

[Rigor Mortis]

that's soo true. after she left for good, her so-called "friends" were talking about her. well mostly the guys did that
That makes a person wonder if anyone can be trusted.

My sister she was arranged to be married at twelve to some 30 year old man. Married, being pressured into sex, and people at school still bashed on her. Her friends even unfriended her because they considered her a **** and a ***** and all that.

And she was married! It's like a person (girl) cannot do anything without people belittling her in that sort of way. You'd think this is only thrown at girls who have sex before marriage but I guess that isn't true.

As for your friends, give them advice that is appropriate to their situation. Like if they're ready, and actually with someone they care about, go have sex cautiously. If they must. But if the boyfriend is pressuring her or they have no condoms then have them hold it off.

Again, it depends on the situation. Remember, sex isn't the only thing you can do with someone you might love.

[MasterBeef]

if it was me, I wouldn't even try to touch it with a 60' pole.

If my friend asked me if I thought it was ok for her to start having sex, I'd just back away and tell her. "Not my decision, if you think your ready to have sex, think about the possiblities and outcomes, if you want to with a chance of getting pregnant, go nuts, but leave me out of it, if you choose to wait a little longer, I'm proud of you." Not my decision, none of my business.

[genious]

After reading everything from here, you should know by now that SEX IS NOT A GAME.

If somone pressures you to have sex, you don't have to listen to them. It's your body. You should do what YOU feel is right. If some guy or girl wants pressures you to have sex, just tell them that if they truly cares about you, they should wait. If they don't want to, then it completely shows that all they want is your body.

Trust me, I've been pressure too many times to realize this.

As for the other question, Rigor is right, but remember that some parents are stupid. If your daughter is preganant, it's your duty to take care of them whether they made a mistake or not. They can learn from you and try not make the same mistake twice.

It's either you stay in school or you don't. I don't think they can transfer you to another school, but I'll try to find something about that.

[Rigor Mortis]

Yeah! A real man would NEVER pressure his girl to have sex with him.

If he does that, ditch him.

[MasterBeef]

hell yeah, tell that stupid that man!! if he pressures you, stab his ***. lol, time for bed...

[Gucci]

I'm not secretive about who I am but I'd rather not mention it. I'm just posting. I don't know that much about you, honestly. I only assumed that you're "jumping the gun" because of the language but I apologize if it's just a misunderstanding.

I read about how it affects the brain from a newspaper (SacBee) a few months ago but I guess it was thrown out and I tried to find it online but can't seem to - they probably don't file them online.
Here's this one.
"Earlier onset of puberty in girls has been associated with a number of adverse outcomes, including psychiatric disorders and deficits in psychosocial functioning, earlier initiation of alcohol use, sexual intercourse and teenage pregnancy and increased rates of adult obesity and reproductive cancers," the study said.

Source (http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/parenting/03/05/weight.puberty.reut/index.html)

My friend had her family's support when they found out she was pregnant. She was afraid to tell them for a long time. They need guidance to parenthood and a lending hand though it isn't the parents' responsibility because I've seen young teenagers do that also. They go clubbing and leave their children at home often because they weren't "able to have fun due to having children at a young age". I'd never kick my child out for that but I'd ensure she has the role of being mother also. That's my grandchild and that's my daughter though I am somewhat traditional - I'd never hold it against her. My sister's friend was alienated by her family because of it. They decided to marry after the child was born to please her parents because being raised in the Asian culture, premarital sex leads to too much gossip and degrading.

[genious]

Everywhere you go, there's always someone who either gossiping about something that's either degrading or not.

[Rigor Mortis]

You knowing absolutely nothing about me would still be true if you were indeed who I think you are.

Again, I advise anyone to be very careful when it comes to studies concerning sex. There is a lot of bias and people make things up just because they do not want you engaging in premarital sex.

You just can't measure anything with these kinds of studies. If you could, we'd all know the reason why people become pedophiles. We don't because like sex, it can't be measured accurately. People should not be quick to believe such studies. Not only because of bias but also because sex and attitudes are intangible.

Being someone that has actually HAD sex, I can list every sensation, both emotionally and physically and guarantee that there can be no damage to developing brains. However this has already gone off topic and I'd like to NOT derail this anymore.

So if we can, please stick to the topic. It is great that people can seek such personal advice anonymously. I don't want to lock this.

[Gucci]

Agreed, studies are studies - not always factual. We're studying the universe continually and it'll never end but these studies should serve as some caution while we are learning more about it.
It's true, many sources are biased and that is why I constantly referred to it as a possibility instead of saying that it does. I'm not a virgin either and I'm not proud of it. Have any of us gotten off topic? This is all revolving around virginity.

[Rigor Mortis]

Yes. You had when you brought up the study. I did even more when I bothered arguing. You did even more when my irrelevant reaction was mentioned. I did even more, reassuring that I'm not being hostile.

The study about sex is irrelevant to virginity. It's only claiming that early sex is supposedly harmful. It doesn't necessarily answer whether or not virginity is worth. It borderlines on a scare tactic. Whether you intended it or not, I'm sorry but I don't want anything of that nature being posted to people who want advice. My implied duty here is to also make sure that people are comfortable enough to seek support. Not be scared into making a decision. Brain damage is scary.

Back on topic now. If anyone wants to continue, start a new thread.

[genious]

Virginity is something people can't take seriously unless they want to. Being pressured to have sex doesn't mean you have to give in. That's all there's to it.

[Rigor Mortis]

Me, I personally don't value virginity. At the same time, I don't think sex should be taken lightly. I'm more focused on the seriousness of sex. This kinda puts my answers into conflict. It's great if a person wants to save it. There's also no problem with losing it either. The reasons and other things leading to it however, can be problematic.

I boned a girl at 17 in 3 seconds and it was over. Life goes on. I don't regret it or feel ashamed. It didn't change who I am or hurted me. There's no guarantee I'd find the right one anyway and marriage certainly doesn't solve all problems or is risk free.